The day I've been dreading.
But, I'm okay. I know I could be worse.
I'm sad. But I've been trying to stay busy by doing laundry and running to the post office, and of course, playing with Em.
I miss my little one. I know that I should be holding a little baby right now. Em, should have a little brother or a little sister to be fussing over. We should have another bundle of joy in our home.
I never asked if it was a boy or a girl, but I truly believe we had a little boy.
On a particularly stressful day a couple of weeks ago a friend said to me "now aren't you glad you don't have two little ones to take care of??"
I know this friend didn't mean it the way it came out. But it cut me like a knife. To me it meant, "good thing you had a miscarriage because you probably couldn't handle 2 kids."
My reply "no, I wish I had two little ones here, being stressed out about other things has nothing to do with my kids."
So, here I sit at the computer on my due date.
Doing the what-ifs? Would the baby look like me or my hubby? Would he or she have red hair like Em does or have my brown hair? Would they have my nose or hubby's?
No mid-night feedings. No waking up every 20 minutes to just check on the baby. Though with Em, I still check on her numerous times during the night.
I know my little angel is in good hands though, afterall he or she is with my Mom.