Monday, May 24, 2010

The Due Date

The day I've been dreading.

But, I'm okay. I know I could be worse.

I'm sad. But I've been trying to stay busy by doing laundry and running to the post office, and of course, playing with Em.

I miss my little one. I know that I should be holding a little baby right now. Em, should have a little brother or a little sister to be fussing over. We should have another bundle of joy in our home.

I never asked if it was a boy or a girl, but I truly believe we had a little boy.

On a particularly stressful day a couple of weeks ago a friend said to me "now aren't you glad you don't have two little ones to take care of??"

I know this friend didn't mean it the way it came out. But it cut me like a knife. To me it meant, "good thing you had a miscarriage because you probably couldn't handle 2 kids."

My reply "no, I wish I had two little ones here, being stressed out about other things has nothing to do with my kids."

So, here I sit at the computer on my due date.

Doing the what-ifs? Would the baby look like me or my hubby? Would he or she have red hair like Em does or have my brown hair? Would they have my nose or hubby's?

No mid-night feedings. No waking up every 20 minutes to just check on the baby. Though with Em, I still check on her numerous times during the night.

I know my little angel is in good hands though, afterall he or she is with my Mom.


Anne said...

[[[hugs]]] I have two due dates that I live through every year, too. Miscarriages are SO hard, and no matter how well-meaning people are ... well, it's just one of those things that you unfortunately have to experience before you *really* understand how physically and emotionally painful it is. I'm so sorry. I really am.

Mommy on the Spot said...

I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you.

~Shelley~ said...

So sorry for you....

Before I had my son, I was pregnant and had a miscarriage at 4.5 months. He was due on every year, Halloween is a little bittersweet. I enjoying watching my kids dress up, but I also remember the baby I was supposed to have....It does get easier each year...

((Hugs to you))

I'm a new follower from FFF on MBC.
Hope you have a great week :)

Shelley @ Shelley's Swag

flmom said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you (((HUGS))).

Until tomorrow, Jennifer said...

ALthough I can't remember my very 1st due date (I think I blocked it out) but I do remember the worst New Years Eve of my life when I was told I mis carried at 8 weeks right after I told my parents they were going to be grandparents. I never realized how many women have gone through this. I am sorry you are having a difficult time. Just know its was gods way of saying something wasnt right.